Pregnant and Over 40: Feeling Alone?


http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=587
 At one time or another, you are going to be the new girl in school, in church, on your job, in your boyfriend or husband’s family. The new girl always stands out. She has to build her network of new friends. She often feels alone.

Being pregnant and over 40 often makes a woman feels like she is the new girl. She no longer fits in her social circle. Her friends may be planning their children’s wedding or college location while she is planning a birth location. Friends may be talking about joys of the “empty nest” while she is preparing for the heavenly scents and sounds of a newborn.

What can a pregnant woman over 40 do to overcome the feeling of isolation?

1) Embrace your season in life. This is your special season for conception and birth that the Creator has given you. Your girlfriend or mother’s may have given birth much younger. However, you are not your mama or your girlfriend. You are unique. Appreciate it.

2) Join a local or online support group for pregnant women over 40. You will find many good groups online. If the online groups don’t fit your style, establish a local group.

3) Be encouraged by research. A recent national report found birth rates falling in virtually every age group of women in their childbearing years — except for those between 40 and 50. The group aged 40 to 44 had its largest birth rate since 1967.

4) Choose your thoughts wisely. Like a gardener who pulls the weeds out of her flowerbed, pull the negative thoughts from your mind. Replace them with positive and uplifting thoughts.

I encourage you to try these suggestions because even the “new girl” eventually adapts to her changing environment.

12 comments:

  1. To the women you speak of:
    When I was pregnant at 37, 40, and 42, most of my lifelong friends had already had their children, but we still had things to talk about. I'd ask them about their lives and vice versa. True friends will listen, even when it is something that they can not currently relate to.

    Also, I found myself becoming friends with younger women. So I was 40 and they were 32. It was okay. We had the baby thing in common. :)

    Good advice, Cynthia.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anita, you're right about true friends. They are a blessing. Thanks for adding a tip that I forgot to include: become friends with younger women. I don't know how I missed that tip because one of my good friends that I met through my daughter is young enough to be my daughter. However, we have so much in common!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanx for your encouragement! I DO feel alone, also because I live in a small Dutch town, with all mums in their twenties (been there, done that:-)
    I'm almost 46 and I have an almost 2-year old.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Midlife Mama,I'm glad that you were encouraged and thanks for commenting. Never forget that there are many women around the world who are in their mid to late 40s who have 2-year-olds or are giving birth at this very moment! I just visited your blog. You have a handsome little son.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow, I've never done the blogging thing until now. I finally found women who are feeling the same way that I am. I had an unexpected pregnancy at 40 and was feeling very alone. My circle of friends all have older children or no children. I too am finding new, younger friends because they are the best support for me right now. I'm looking forward to talking with other moms who understand my situation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We're never as alone as we often think. I've been encouraged by my friendship with younger moms, too. Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks you for the beautiful story. A large number of us humans feed into the standards that society sets for us. You have to accomplish X X and X by a certain age. What about following that voice within, the God force that guides us and speaks to us. I had this feeling in my late 20s that I would not start my childbearing years till I was in my 40s. Why is that so unusual? I started investing in my body then with eating healthy organic foods, choosing better products that I apply on my body that has little to no chemicals, being aware of the environments that I was in. Women have been having children at all ages since the beginning of time with little to no medical services. I am actually excited that I got to live this grand post adolescent lifestyle for so long. I now know that I can really give to child emotionally, spiritually, mentally. I feel more energetic, healthy and balanced now then I have ever felt in my life. Much better than 20s or 30s. I am grateful to know that I am about to embark on this journey of giving back and helping other souls into this world and with their evolution. These young souls will keep me stimulated and help me to evolve further on my path. Thank you to all the women that came before me and chose the path of life that they wanted to take instead of allowing society's rules and regulations to choose for them.

    xo Love, 43 and about to conceive!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your comment/story is so full of wisdom that I need to "cut and paste" and feature it as a post on this blog! Thank you so much for your comment. Your child will be blessed to have such a strong and insightful mom!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I was perusing online support sites for women over 40 that have found themselves pregnant, and came across this site. I am 43, and after weeks of thinking that I had a stomach bug, was so tired due to work travel and my age, was entering perimenopause due to lack of period, pondering why my breasts were so sore...I finally put 2:2 together, and took a home pregnancy test. This is usually what I do right before I get my period, if it seems that my period is late. I don't even bother to keep track of my period anymore, I just have a general sense of when it is supposed to happen. I thought, taking a test can't hurt, it will probably bring on my period. At first, I saw the familiar single line, and thought, right. Then I watched in absolute amazement as the second line appeared. HUH? I thought this test a fluke, so I took another one 2 hours later, and even used the timer on my iPad to ensure that I was performing the test perfectly. Again, two lines. OK, this explains the fatigue, nausea, soreness, and lack of period. I am utterly shocked. I had problems at 34 conceiving my now 8 year old daughter, and required surgery to remove my endometriosis. The endo has probably grown back since then, and believing myself to be infertile (as I was prior surgery 10 years ago or so), I have been having unprotected sex for about 2 years now. I called my OB/GYN office and asked them how likey a false positive was for a woman my age using a home pregnancy test. The RN told me, "not very likely at all, these are pretty darned accurate." She then told me to hightail my behind into their office. I still have bad memories of my last miscarriage (and molar pregnancy) at 36, but then again, I am so shocked at this, I have no expectations. It can happen. It ain't over ladies, til it's over!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Congratulations and thanks so much for sharing your story!Your story reminds me so much of Lenora Breder, June Featured InSeasonMom. Her story will encourage you.
    http://inseasonmomreflections.blogspot.com/2012/05/featured-inseasonmom-june-2102-lenora.html
    Please keep me updated on your pregnancy. Hugs and Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi all! Such encouraging stories. I am 43 and found myself preggers about 4 months ago, but miscarried. I am also diabetic. My husband and I are contemplating trying one more time (the first pregnancy was unexpected, but welcomed). and I have been struggling a bit with it. I don't know if I'm being selfish having a child so late in life and taking such a risk. I didn't realize how much I really wanted a child. I really do feel alone in this, with no one to turn to who's "been there". This blog is made me feel better. Thank you all for sharing your stories!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Nanette, thank you for sharing what is on your heart. You'll find in reading this blog that there are other women who have been through and felt what you're feeling. Remain encouraged because you're never alone! Blessings!

    ReplyDelete